Walking With Michael
 

Walking With Michael-June 2000

Hello My Friends,

Well I am officially a death row inmate again-while I have lived here on death row, technically I had not been a death row inmate ever since July 26, 1994 when my original death sentences were overturned and a newpenalty hearing ordered. It is common practice for inmates like me, who have new sentencing hearings pending, to remain on death row even though they are not sentenced to death-it is a security issue, they don't want to transfer someone who could possibly be re-sentenced to death to a lower security facility where normal inmates are housed.

Some of you have expressed concern that I might be executed in the near future, expecially after hearing that the Judge set my execution date for September 15, 2000. I assure you that will not happen. By statute he must impose a date no less than 30 days and no longer than 180 days after my formal sentencing. But there is a mandatory review required by the State Supreme Court and my execution date will be automatically stayed. The entire appeals process can be lengthy, however my best guess is that the execution is probably five to eight years away still. So I will be around for a little while yet. :-) And while there are issues for appeal, I don't want you to get your hopes up-this trial was my best shot for a life sentence and it is unlikely that I will avoid eventual execution.

I would like to share something that I read during Lent that seems to be very appropriate right now:

"In our lives there may be moments of intense struggle, perhaps darkness and deep pain, when we are tempted to lose heart and it is difficult to accept the will of God. The image of jesus at the Mount of Olives sows us how we must proceed in these moments; we must embrace the will of God, without putting any limit or condition whatsoever to our acceptance of it, and identifying ourselves with the love of God by means of persevering prayer." (In Conversation With God-Fifth Week of Lent-Friday)

Somehow I find a great deal of comfort in the image of the suffering jesus. When I do the Rosary, the most meaningful to me are the "Sorrowful Mysteries" (The Agony in the Garden; The Scouging at the Pillar; The Crowning with Thorns; Jesus Carriers His Cross; Jesus Dies on the Cross). And I have always found myself moved by "The Way of the Cross." Actually what I do most often is combine the two, using my Rosary beats for a fifteen decade prayer/meditation on the way of the cross-I add another station (The Resurrection) to the 14 stations to round out 15 decades of beads. I'm not sure wy, but this particular way of praying and meditation on the Passion of our Lord is very soothing and relaxing for me, yet at the same time very deep and meaningful.

Jesus did not enjoy suffering for us. Anyone who reflects on the Passion can see this. The Agony in the Garden, the agony of the anticipation fo what was to come and His anxiety over it was almost overwhelming. In both the Gospel of Matthew, and of Mark, Jesus tell sHis Disciples: "My soul is sorrowful even to death." (Mt 26:38, Mk 14:34). And the Gospel of Luke it is reported: "He was in such agony and he prayed so fevently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground." (Lk 22:44). He prayed that the cup of suffering might pass Him by-no one chooses pain, suffering, and death. And though He was afraid, He trusted in the Father completely showing us what true faith in times of tribulation was, and gave us all a shining example to strengthen us in times of trouble with the words in the Gospel of Matthew: "My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pas without my drinking it, your will be done!" (MT 26:42).

Being on death row has given me a unique perspective of the Passion of our Lord, and as ironic as it may seem my death sentence has become a very great blessing. I think the same can be true of anyone who undergoes great suffering-whether it be physical or emotional-so long as God has graced them with the proper disposition of soul. "The history of the Church shows that, at times, tribulation makes someone grow cowardly and cold in his relationship with God; at other times, on the contrary, it ripens sanctity in souls which take up the cross of every day and follow Christ, becoming identified with him. We always see this double possibility: the same difficulty-illness, misunderstandings, etc.- has different effects according to the dispositions of the soul." (In Conversation With God-The Christmas Season-December 26). In a few years I will be executed, but somehow I am not afraid when I think of what Jesus went through-His suffering was far more than mine, His death far more painful. I do not want to die and sometimes I am very frightened by the thought of that day coming-like Jesus, on that day the crowds will be cheering and celebrating my death, and for some reason that bothers me more than the execution itself. But knowing that Jesus had gone down this path before me somehow comforts me and gives me strength. I'm not expressing myself well at all. Let me share with you what another comdemned man wrote just a few days before he was beheaded for being true to his Faith:

"Christ knew that many people would be filled with terror when faced with the threat of beign tortured, and He wanted to encourage them with the example of his own pain, his own sadness, his own incomparable humiliation and fear. It seems that Christ is making use of his own agony to speak to those who find themselves in such a situation: Be brave, he seems to say, you who are feeble and weak. Do not give up hope. You are terrified and depressed, worn down by exhaustion and the dreat of torture. Be confident, I have overcome the world and yet I was even much more afraid and appalled, since my suffering grew in proportion with the fearful knowledge of what was causing it. Look how I go before you along this path that is beset with so many fears. Take hold of the edge of my cloak and you will feel flowing from it the power that will not allow your heart's blood to be contaminated with useless fears and anxieties. It will hearten you and raise your spirits, especially when you remember that you are following closely in my footsteps. I am faithful, and will not allow you to be tempted beyond your strength, but give you the necessary grace to be able to bear the test; and it will fill you with gladness when you remember that this transient tribulation you are asked to bear will become a cargo of immense glory." (The Agony of Christ St. Thomas More)

I know that this will sound weird, and probably few of you will understand what I mean, but I truly believe that coming to death row was the best thing that ever happened to me. And while I would have liked to have received a life sentence from this last jury, somehow I believe that staying here on death row was the best thing for me as far as my faith goes. It kind of gives a whole new meaning to when Jesus said: "If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." (Lk 9:23,24). I may be executed in a few years and lose my life, but through the mercy and grace of God I will gain eternal salvation. As far as I am concerned, that is not a bad trade at all! :-)

I have enclosed a few items that may interest you. A couple articles on my sentencing, an article that quotes excerpts from my lawyers final arguement before the jury. But most important is a petition for "Moratorium 2000." The chairperson of Moratorium 2000 is Sister Helen Prejean (author of Dead Man Walking) and the goal of the campaign is to collect one million U.S. signatures on this petition which Sister Helen will deliver to the United Nations in honor of Human Rights Day, December 10, 2000. There is a real and viable movement going on now in the United States. Legislatures in about half of the 38 states with death penalty laws have considered now stopping executions with a moratorium-or abolishing the death penalty outright. Several bills have been introduced in Congress to institute a moratorium on the federal death penalty. The United Nations Human Rights Commision calls for a worldwide moratorium on executions. More and more, governments and citizens alike are acknowledging the overwhelming cruelty and inhumane nature of this type of punishment. The pendulum is finally beginning to swing the other way and all of us have to do our part to take advantage of this time. Please, read the "action alert" below about ways to get involved with Moratorium 2000, and help out with this petition drive. This could be the first step towards the abolotion of capital punishment in the United States. We still have a long way to go, and it will be a difficult fight, but if we all band together it can be done. You can make a difference. Please help us with this Moratorium 2000 petition. I thank you on behalf of death row inmates, and their families and friends everywhere.

Well, that's it for this month. I hope to hear from you all soon on how the petition drive is going. As for me, I'm planning on taking some much needed rest through a self-guided Spiritual Retreat with a heavy focus on prayer and meditation.