Poems
by John Kallinger

Enraged
Hot anger has coursed through me
all my life,
I se it now,
I had not recognized the signs
before.
Anger, my biographer tells me,
began even before my birth
Not anger then, but
that of my mother who
wished I had not been conceived.
My anger came when
at the age of one month
my mother gave me up,
turning me over to the care of
starngers; a private boarding home,
an orphanage
and then my adoption by a middle-aged
childless couple that kept reminding me
they were my benefactors.
They were also always threatening
to send me back to the orphanage.
Each time they did, my anger flamed,
but I held back the expression of it
when I could
There were times that I couldn't:
times of beating my head against
the wall and running wild with rage.
I didn't fight other kids;
when I didn't my adoptive mother
called me chicken and yellow;
but if I had, she would have
been angry
generating anger in me.
Anger turned like a water wheel;
my adoptive parents' anger feeding
mine and mine theirs.
I carried a rage into manhood,
although when I first married,
I dreamed of a normal life.
But things went sour and my wife,
angry for reasons of her own,
walked out on me after taking
up with another man.
I cannot know, but I believe
he had more sexual power than
I had to offer.
Once my wife was gone, my anger
grew and grew.
My second marriage led to angers
of its own,
culminating when my children,
the three total gods of my doom,
had me locked up.
In time my anger found an
outlet in what the world calls crime,
and to me was the command
of God, a vengeful,
wrathful God.
He was telling me I could
become God myself by destroy
us I had been destroyed.
My anger, hot and piercing,
had led to what I wish
I had not done.
And, despite God's promise
that I would become God,
I am not God today.
All I am is a mental patient
on leave from prison,
out of the world that fed my rage

 

 

 

Disappointments In My Life
When I was a little child
I was put in an orphanage
for adoption , my first
disappointment. After I was
adopted my adoptive parents
never gave me any love
and were crule to me,
child abusers, my second
disapointment in my life.
I was never allowed to play with other kids or have
friends in my adoptive parents
house all of my young life
with them, my third disappointment,
in my life. When I grew up and got
married and had children
she ran around with other men,
and neer took care of our
children and finally left me
for another man and I had
to raise the children aloen, my
fourth disapointment in my life.
Later when I remarried and
had more children, She was
childlike and always on the
fringes of everything. She didn't
love our children and never took
care of them and finally left me,
My fifth disappointment in my
life. After that I learned I was
severely mentally ill and it had
started already in childhood.
My sixth disappointment in my life.
From then on my life got increasingly
worse, I went on a six month
crime spree. I robbed and murdered
people, My seventh disappointment
in my life. Shortly after that I was
arrested and tried for my crimes
and sent to prison for the rest of my
live, My eighth disappointment in my
life. My whole life started out in
disappointment and ended in disappointment
disappointment is all i have to remember
for a lifetime

 

My Final Walking Bell
As I rise this morning
I roll out of bed
to the noise of the food cart
being rolled on to the
head of the block,
the banging sound of the large
stainless steel lids
being taken off the trays,
being laid on top with a bang:
These sounds open my eyes
and as I look around
the guards march by
with three trays of food
for the men back in the main hole
of this prison,
and then I hear the clanging sounds
of each spoon being counted, each
being dropped against the stainless
steel tray: my final waking bell.

 

Odd Man
odd man at the trial
odd man all the while
what journalist's eye
could write my fearful fright?
 

 

 

My Home
My home is my
castle and I pray
nothing evil will
ever come cross my door
 

 

End-Time Song
I shall arise from the east to rule the world,-----
for I am a Beast, ---- they say!
a Man of sin, ----they say!
Yes! that's right, I am the Antichrist
The Antichrist,!----
Yes!-I will be, your worlds Dictator:
who will rule this, Your Unaverse
as your Antichrist,!-----
and during the, Great Tribulation, Period
I will enter into the new temple,
in Jerusalem,----
and proclaim my self as your God
for I the Antichrist am God,!----
and there will be put, ----
as I put in the New temple, ----
a statue of myself---
The Antichrist!-----
God--Your God--I-the-Antichrist,!
for I then your God, ----
Will rule the World,------
as your only God!---
and Dictator,!----
for I am the Antichrist,!-----
I am,!---& The Antichrist! of End-Time