Keith Jesperson on Kip Kinkel


 

This is in reference to Kipland Kinkel and the Oregon Public Broadcasting Network and Frontline. I watched the program and I tried to answer Frontline the same way I will try to explain Kip's reason's to "why" He Had To do It.

When it was shown, several murderers and I got together and talked about Kipland. Kip is a normal murderer. Nothing more or less. Maybe less?

In 1999, I wrote Kip a letter to advise him to drop his mental capacity defense because of how he will maintain the "crazy" stereotype all the way through his lifetime. Once being found to be a paranoid basket case, he will never be cured by society. Some doctor would always be there to say he was not cured. By pleading guilty to a regular state case, sure, he will get life; but the laws change in time and one never knows how they will change in 20 or 30 years. IN reality, he could be able to walk free someday the way America keeps changing its laws and justice reforms. Even I might be able to do this with the four life sentences I have. But as of now, not very likely. Still! Kip Kinkel is just 17 years old and in 30 years, society may change their views on cases involving children during their prior to 18 years, crimes.

In reviewing the show and the stage of events in Kipland Kinkel's life, I can see some similarities in our lives that can help to explain his actions. Not wanting to write you a book, I'll hit on the points the show stressed on.

I was born into a nice family setting. My father was well respected and known by the whole community of Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada. He owned his own established business that hired about 30 people. He was and still is a very smart and brilliant man. Some have even said a genius. My two siblings ahead of me were brilliant too. Everything came easy for them. No matter what I did in sports or school or work, I never reached the expectations of my father or some of my teachers or classmates.

No two kids are the same. Everyone of us need special care for our own special needs. Kristine coasted through her school with ease. Kip just never could stand up to the standards set for him. And neither could I.

Because of my size they wanted me to join football. But I quit before the season was over. I really didn't enjoy football. It is the team spirit. If one screws up, it's the team against you. So like Kip, I found a sport that was suited for the individual and our advancement schedule was not regulated. I joined wrestling. Then later karate and boxing. I stayed away from competing at something my father had done or what my other siblings were good at.

I had been teased and bullied in junior high and in my freshman year in high school. My own brothers were the ones who started it and kept it up as their friends joined in. I would fight back in high school an d the teasing stopped. I was fourteen when I had gotten in an argument with Brad my brother. He threatened to kill me and I went to the rifle case and pulled down the 12 gauge double barrel shotgun and walked into our bedroom and handed it to him and told him to kill me. He pointed the gun and pulled both of the triggers. Not even looking to see if it was loaded. If it had been, would he have said it went off by accident? He never gave it any thought to being loaded. I could have loaded it. "Anger" is what killed Kips dad. He didn't give it much thought. He only wanted his fathers voice to stop. Or dad's actions.

One time the cops pulled my dad out of a city council meeting and told him I had verbally assaulted a neighbor's mom with slander. He was feeling humiliated at being pulled out of a meeting in front of his peers. When he got home, I received the worst beating and tongue lashing that I can remember. All he was concerned about was what and how it affected him and his standings in the community. So I can imagine Kip being led to the car and told "Wait till we get home, There you are going to get it." Then the suspense of the 20 minute drive home to be capped off with the verbal attack of his dad. And what was going to happed to his life for just buying a stolen gun. Having the gun wasn't that big of a deal! The school and police made more out of it then they should have. He didn't steal the gun. He bought it. Had he taken it off campus and hidden it and not admitted to buying it, the gun would have made it home and there would not be a Thornton School Shooting.

Bill Kinkel and Les Jesperson are the same type of person. They are both perfectionists. Nothing anyone does will satisfy their world. Kip and I had the same problem. We couldn't get up to the standards of our perfectionist parent. And every imperfection of ours only made our parents love us that much less. We became the blame they used for their losses in their lives. They were raised under a strict rule that made them seek personal status in their lives. "What is in it for me?" It is their nickel, so they will dance to their song and everyone will have to follow. Everything has to evolve around them They stand in a crowd and yell "Look at me! I am the greatest!"

When Bill got Kip home, he told him to get out all of his guns to be destroyed. So Kip went to his room and pulled out his guns. He walked up behind his dad with a loaded gun and pointed it at his father and thought to himself..."you're not taking my guns. I won't let you!" His mind not thinking of killing his father. Of only making him change his mind about allowing him to keep his guns. His anger escalated and his finger twitched.

"Bang! Bang!"

Then in slow motion, he realized what he had done and looking down at his dead father, he panicked. Like all murders, it happened in anger and he began to realize his life as he had known it was now over. Paranoia set in along with panic. He said to himself, "I didn't mean to kill him. The gun just went off, like it had a mind of it's own. One minute I was just pointing the gun and the next minute he's laying dead on the floor. I didn't mean to do it. It's all been a mistake."

Everyone's first murder is like this. It's over and now the reality of dealing with what you've done sets in. Panic! Then Paranoia! And then more Panic! What to do next!?! What to do to get away with it? Will I get away with it? Our reasoning power inside talks to us and we argue with ourselves in what to do next. We come up with a plan. It is this plan that decides if we will get away with it or go out in a bang or we just continue to do it again and again til we get caught. These voices seem real. They tell us what we need to do to deal with what we had done.

The voices in Kip's head are the same voices in my head. And in every murderers head. And in everyone's head when an important decision is needed from us. We reason it out in our own little world. It doesn't mean we are mental cases.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that Kipland Kinkel talked himself into killing his mother to keep her from yelling at him over her loss. And then to kill himself by placing him in harms way where the police will have to shoot him. He was a failure all of his life and believed that should he try to kill himself, he would fail at it and then be sent to prison. So it would be suicide by police interaction. The school shooting was just part of his cover-up and end after becoming a murderer of his father over the mistake of pulling the trigger. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this!"

In my first murder I had beaten Taunja Bennett nearly to death in a flurry of angered blows. Looking down at her battered body, I knew I had to kill her then. So I strangled her to death. Then for an hour or so, I talked to my girlfriend over the phone and stared at her dead corpse as it twitched and rigor mortis set it. It eased my tension to talk to someone about anything else, to ease my mind and to allow myself time to think of how I was to get away with it. And as an adult, I thought out rationally on what to do next. I would follow through with my actions and get away with it. But Kipland had a very serious problem and he realized it about the time he stared at his dead father for the first time. He wasn't going to get away with it!

He knew what he had to do. He made up his mind. He rationalized that he loved his mother so much, that she had to die to save her from the terror of knowing the truth. Then when she got home, he put her out of her misery and his. (Had Kristine shown up, she would have died too.)

He didn't want to hear the voices of his mother, or father, or sister telling him...ordering him to put down his guns. Those voices haunted him. Every time he was put down and told he was stupid or slow burned into his brain. It was the voices of the past that kept coming back to remind him of how his father treated him. The voices in his head were those he used to convince himself to do things. They are the same voices we all have. They are our decision making processes that help us decide what to do next. "Should I?" or "Shouldn't I?" SO he rationalized our a scenario that told him they had to die. He basically made up his own mind on what to do next. It is the common murder syndrome.

His mother, dead on the floor, he sat down next to her and talked to her. Reasoning his motives, even saying he was sorry for taking her life. He probably told her he had no choice and justified killing dad to her.

Soul searching is the motives of our conscience as we try to make a reasonable explanation to ourselves for doing murder. So as to say "They deserved to die." It makes our minds feel nested and at ease if we can make ourselves believe we were justified in doing it. Once we have convinced ourselves that it was justified, then we can come up with any story to try to justify our motives to those who ask us; "Why?"

The people who ask "Why?", then speculate on how we had come to that conclusion. Many times they guess wrong and continue to believe that their guess is the right answer to why we did it. And in doing so, they try to treat us with their own diagnosis or opinion as to what took place. And in doing so, help to confuse the issues even more. The motives end up going in completely different directions.

In his mind, he played it over and over all night long as he loaded his guns. He talked himself into it, knowing he could not get away with murder.

Failing the suicide and arrested, he tells the cops and doctors that the voices told him he had to kill them and they diagnosed him as mentally ill. Normal people believe that there has to be some kind of mental issue involved in murdering anyone. That a sane person wouldn't do it. Society has a way of passing the wrong judgement in most cases.

If I was called up with Kipland Kinkel, I would be able to break through to him and explain to him what really took place in his head. That he is not crazy. Mixed up is more like it. Disturbed to being thrown into the spotlight and now having to resign to the idea of doing the rest of his life in prison. He may need someone that has experienced murder to explain our actions. And then maybe he already knows it. That it all has been a game in survival. Once he worked it out in his mind.

The people who see him and hope to analyze him, do not understand murder in the first place. They argue "Why!" Why does a person commit murder? Each doctor will try to justify their own self worth for analyzing Kip or me or any murderer as their type of paranoid mental case. Seeing us after we've murdered and analyzing us as paranoid is crazy. Everyone that has ever murdered someone, not knowing what to expect next, is going to be paranoid beyond belief. It is just a fact of the crime. Especially when it is a child that doesn't comprehend exactly what he has done and in the position of knowing everyone now hates him.

Paranoia falls hand in hand with remorse and the fears of being found out or retaliated against at any time. The conscience is filled with paranoia. That is why people turn themselves into police. Paranoia takes over, fearing everyone is out to get us. That we will not get away with it. That we will eventually get caught. Why not end it before they shoot me?

If you should turn yourself in, the police will say we had a guilty conscience. Not that paranoia took over. In no way will they want you to think you are crazy. After all "you did the right thing."

So, how hard is it to kill someone?

Given enough time to think about it, a person can talk themselves into doing just about everything. Including murder! And when it comes time to pull the trigger, only then will the person realize what they are capable of doing. Too often thought, not much thought is taken to think of what to do after the person is killed. To kill is the easy part. To get away and to live with yourself is the hardest part of all.

We, who murder for my reason, soon realize what we lost in the process. We lost ourselves.

In all of the confusion, society looks for answers to why and how do we stop this. Is there an answer or just one thing we can do to put an end to the violence?

There is an answer, but no one wants to push it though.

Answer: The fear of being found out has to outweigh the fear of just doing the crime. Blood DNA and hair and skin follicles could help in their capture. And if the database set up, had your fingerprints and footprints on record, along with your DNA, then the fear of capture would outweigh the act of the crimes. Then crime in general would slow way down. Prisons would eventually empty out. Crimes will be solved by nearly 100%. No one would want to take the chance. Not willingly anyway.

In murderers, don't look to the child first. But look to the family that has a parent that only looks after their best interests alone. then seek out the child who is trying the most to please that parent. That kid will be the next possible murderer. But no guarantee's here.

Sincerely, Keith Hunter Jesperson