The Naked Gun 2 1/2 : the Smell of Fear
[Frank meets Jane after a long time.]
Lt. Frank Drebin: How are the children?
Jane Spencer: We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, of course.
Dr. Mainheimer: It's a terrible thing that has happened here. I do hope you will find the people responsible.
t. Frank Drebin: I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A mustache. About five-foot-ten.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's an awfully big mustache.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Frank Drebin: I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!
Lt. Frank Drebin: Nice party, Hapsburg... I see a lot of familiar face lifts.
Quentin Hapsburg: You do speak French don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.
[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with.
[Hector Savage is in a house surrounded by armed police... He makes his demands]
Hector Savage: I want a car out front, something fun, a Porsche, then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica... And I want a nice hotel, no touristy place... Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: ...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I want a world where Frank junior and all the Frank juniors can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.
[Lt. Frank Drebin and Jane Spencer are standing next to a nuclear bomb which is about to explode]
Jane Spencer: Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here with you.
Lt. Frank Drebin: The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing...
Busty Female Shop Assistant: Is this some kind of bust?
Frank Drebin: It's very impressive, yes.
[Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making inquiries]
Busty Female Shop Assistant: Why should I tell you copper?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
[A male shop assistant appears from a storeroom.]
Assistant: Oh hi Frank, say we got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to the Female Assistant] It's a gift.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, it's alright. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Captain Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Nice beaver!
Jane Spencer: Thanks, I just had it stuffed.
[at a bar]
Jane Spencer: Play our song, Sam.
Sam: Alright... DING DONG! The witch is dead! Which old witch! The wicked witch!
[calling out loudly in a crowded restaurant]
Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen): I'm single! I - I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Scout leader.
Dr. Albert S. Mainheimer: Are you thinking about him again? What was his name... Frank?
Jane Spencer: Yes.
Dr. Albert S. Mainheimer: You can't forget him, can you?
Jane Spencer: Who?
Lt. Frank Drebin: I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. A body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Lt. Frank Drebin: You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman. You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with 20-year-olds who want cheap sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. Your turn to wear the handcuffs..."
Lt. Frank Drebin: Looks like the cows have come home to roost.
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements. One - guns down. Two - come on out.
Banquet Doorman: Your coat, sir?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.
Quentin Hapsburg: I don't recall your name on the guest list.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's OK. I sometimes go by my maiden name.
Quentin Hapsburg: Do you gamble?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Every time I order out.
Jane Spencer: I feel like such a fool. I should have never doubted you.
Lt. Frank Drebin: There, there. You couldn't know you were dating a vicious, murdering sociopath.
Quentin Hapsburg: We're going to the dinner. Make sure nothing happens to him till I return. Then I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
Lt. Frank Drebin: The pleasure is all mine.
[Lt. Drebin is questioning an almost-dead criminal, he had just questioned another one who died on him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Talk.
Explosion Thug #2: You're too late.
Lt. Frank Drebin: He already said that.
Explosion Thug #2: Where'd he leave off?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Er, "Hapsburg has Plan B in..."
Explosion Thug #2: Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... in...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where? Where? Talk, you low-life scum.
Explosion Thug #2: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it. (dies)
Quentin Hapsburg: Any final requests, Lieutenant?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Can I have the gun?
President George Bush: Frank, please consider filling a post I'm creating. It may mean long hours and dangerous nights, surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.
Lt. Frank Drebin: You want me to be in your cabinet?
Ed: You sure know your boxing.
Frank: Well all I know is never bet on the white guy.
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