[To his pregnant wife]
Buck Swope: How's my little kung fu fighter?
Jessie St. Vincent: He's kicking ass inside my stomach.
[Colonel's lady friend lying on ground, bleeding from nose.]
Young Stud: I, I think she did too much coke.
The Colonel: Oh you think so doctor?
[In a scene from "Brock Landers: Angels Live In My Town."]
Dirk: [as Brock] You still hungry?
[Unzipping his pants.]
Dirk: [as Brock] Then feast on that.
Floyd Gondoli: This here's the future. Videotape tells the truth.
Jack Horner: Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will never make a movie on tape.
Maurice: I'm the ultimate Latin Lover. There ain't no Latin Lover like me.
Dirk Diggler: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, alright?
Record Producer: No, you don't get the tapes until you've paid.
Dirk Diggler: In our situation, that doesn't make any fucking sense!
Reed Rothchild: Look, we can not pay for the tapes, unless we take the tapes to the record company, and get paid.
Dirk Diggler: Hello? Exactly!!
Record Producer: That's not an MP, that's a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it.
Reed Rothchild: Okay, now you're talking above my head. I don't know all of this industry jargon, YP, MP. All I know is that I can't get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a uh um oh, you own them, alright, but the magic that is on those tapes. That fucking heart and soul that we put onto those tapes, that is ours and you don't own that! Now I need to take that magic and get it over the record company. And they're waiting for us, we were supposed to be there a half hour ago. We look like assholes, man!
Amber Waves: Let me just check on something. [Takes off Dirk's pants.] That is a giant cock.
Reed Rothchild: Hey, are those lizard?
Dirk Diggler: No, they're Italian. I'm gonna fuckin' buy these.
Buck: See this system here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity.
Dirk Diggler: What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again.
Dirk: You know, I'm gonna be a great big bright, shining star.
Floyd Gondolli: I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.
Reed Rothchild: [as Chest Rockwell] Let's get some of that Saturday night beaver.
Jack Horner: Before you turn around, you've spent maybe 20, 25, 30 thousand dollars on a movie.
[His one word prediction for the future of the porn industry]
Floyd Gondolli: Videotape.
Jack Horner: He's my 17-year-old piece of gold.
Jack Horner: We're about to make film history, right here on videotape.
Jack Horner: I got a feeling that behind those jeans is something wonderful just waiting to get out.
Dirk Diggler: Aren't you gonna take your skates off?
Rollergirl: I never take my skates off.
[Little Bill walks in on his wife having sex with someone]
Little Bill: What the fuck do you think you're doing?
His Wife: What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?
Dirk Digler: I'm ready to shoot RIGHT NOW!
Reed Rothchild: Have you seen that Star Wars movie?
Eddie Adams: Yeah, I've seen it four times.
Reed Rothchild: You know, people tell me I kind of look like Han Solo.
The Colonel: So, Jack tells me you've got a great big cock.
Dirk Diggler: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know?
Jack Horner: Yeah?
Dirk Diggler: I was wondering if you had any ideas.
Jack Horner: I've got a few, but you tell me
Dirk Diggler: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp.
Jack Horner: Tell me.
Dirk Diggler: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign -- it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, "Dirk Diggler."
Dirk Diggler: You're not the boss of me, Jack! You're not the king of Dirk! I'm the boss of me! I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler! I'm the star! It's my big dick and I say when we roll!
Dirk Diggler: I am a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I am a big, bright, shining star.
Reed Rothchild: Want to hear a poem I wrote? "I love you, you love me. Going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree, and see lots of bees: playing, playing. But the bees won't sting, because you love me." That's it.
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