AMERICAN PIE

Finch: God bless the Internet. [During sex.] Stifler's Mom: Oh, Finchy. Finch. Finch: Oh, Stifler's Mom, whoa! Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking USE them! Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful. Jim: I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed. Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us. [At jazz choir rehearsal] Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: So what'd you think? Kevin: I thought you sounded really good. Stifler: I think you need your balls reattached. Victoria 'Vicky': I want it to be the right time, the right place... Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX. Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like? Kevin: You want to take this one? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie. Jim: Yeah? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah. Jim: Apple pie, huh? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh. Jim: McDonald's or homemade? Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day. [On being sensitive] Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit. Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work. Jim: She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool! Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vunerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny. Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it! Kevin: Guys... Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one! Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious! Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch. Finch: Single malt? Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it. Michelle: And this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy. Jim: [Choking on his beer.] Excuse me? Michelle: What, you don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed! So, are we gonna screw soon? 'Cause I'm getting kinda antsy. Michelle: What's my name? SAY MY NAME, BITCH! Jim: Michelle! Michelle. > Back To The Main Movie Quotes Page Contact/Submit     theNSAisWATCHIN     News Monster     Images Archive       News Monster Archive The Frances Farmers Revenge Web Portal