- A -

1. When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
      The Airplane Law

    

2. Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
      Allen's Law

    

3. Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
      Anthony's Law of Force

    

4. Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
      Anthony's Law of the Workshop

    

5. On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
      Corollary to Anthony's Law of the Workshop

    

6. Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
      Fourth Law of Applied Terror

    

7. The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
      Corollary to the Fourth Law of Applied Terror

    

8. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
      Fifth Law of Applied Terror

    

9. If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
      Corollary to the Fifth Law of Applied Terror

    

10. If it should exist, it doesn't.
       Arnold's First Law of Documentation

     

11. If it does exist, it's out of date.
       Arnold's Second Law of Documentation

     

12. Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
       Arnold's Third Law of Documentation

     

13. If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.
       Ashleigh's First Law

     

14. Interchangeable parts won't.
       Laws of Assembly, II

     

- B -

1. No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
      First Law of Bicycling

    

2. What you don't know will always hurt you.
      First Law of Blissful Ignorance

    

3. Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
      Second Law of Blissful Ignorance

   The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline

4. approaches.
      Bove's Theorem

    

5. The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong direction.
      Boyle's Other Law

    

6. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
      Brooke's Law

    

- C -

1. If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
      Cannon's Law
2. You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
      Captain Penny's Law

    

3. The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.
      Cayo's Law

    

4. No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
      Cheops Law

    

5. Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.
      Dominic Cirino's Law of Burnt Fingers

    

6. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
      Clarke's First Law

    

7. The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the
8. impossible.
      Clarke's Second Law

    

9. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
      Clarke's Third Law

    

10. Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
       Cole's Law

     

11. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
        Laws of Computer Programming, I

     

12. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
       Laws of Computer Programming, II

     

13. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
        Laws of Computer Programming, III

     

14. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
        Laws of Computer Programming, IV

     

15. Any program will expand to fill available memory.
        Laws of Computer Programming, V

     

16. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
        Laws of Computer Programming, VI

     

17. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
        Laws of Computer Programming, VII

     

18. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
       Laws of Computer Programming, VIII

     

19. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
        Laws of Computer Programming, IX

     

20. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
       Laws of Computer Programming, X

     

- D -

1. Design flaws travel in groups.
      Fifth Law of Design

    

2. Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
      Ducharme's Precept

    

- E -

1. Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
      Ed's Fifth Rule of Procrastination

    

2. In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull.
      Ehre's Double-Door Law

    

3. The other line moves faster.
      Etorre's Observation

    

- F -

1. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
      Finagle's First Law

    

2. No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to: (a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. or (c) believe it supports his own pet theory.
      Finagle's Second Law

    

3. In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
      Finagle's Third Law

    

4. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
      Finagle's Fourth Law

    

5. Chicken Little only has to be right once.
      Firestone's Law of Forecasting

    

6. When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
      Flugg's Law

    

7. If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored.
      Fresco's Law

    

8. Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
      Fudd's First Law

    

9. Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
      Fyfe's First Law of Revision

    

10. In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way so as to expedite subsequent revision.
       Fyfe's First Law of Revision - Corollary I

     

11. The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more the design will have to be redrawn.
       Fyfe's Second Law of Revision

     

12. If, when completion of a design is imminent, field dimensions are finally supplied as they actually are, instead of as they were meant to be, it is always simpler to start over from scratch.
       Fyfe's Third Law of Revision

     

13. It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
       Fyfe's Third Law of Revision - Corollary I

     

- G -

1. A little ignorance can go a long way.
      Gerrold's Law

    

2. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
      Gerrold's First Law of Infernal Dynamics

    

3. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
      Gerrold's Second Law of Infernal Dynamics

    

4. It ain't necessarily so.
      Gershwin's Law

    

5. If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
      Gold's Law

    

6. 2 is not equal to 3 - not even for very large values of 2.
      Grabel's Law

    

7. Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
      Grossman's Law

    

8. When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.
      Gunter's First Law of Air Travel

    

9. The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of you coffee.
      Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel

    

- H -

1. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
      Hanlon's Razor

    

2. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
      Hartley's First Law

    

3. If you wait, it will go away.
      Hellrung's Law

    

4. It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
      Hofstadter's Law

    

- J -

1. The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
       Jennings' Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity

    

- K -

1. Keyes Rules of Misquotation
      Axiom 1. Any quotation that can be altered will be.
   • Corollary 1A: Vivid words hook misquotes in the mind.
   • Corollary 1B: Numbers are hard to keep straight.
   • Corollary 1C: Small changes can have a big impact (or: what a difference an a makes).
   • Corollary 1D: If noted figures don't say what needs to be said, we'll say it for them.
   • Corollary 1E: Journalists are a less than dependable source of accurate quotes.
   • Corollary 1F: Famous dead people make excellent commentators on current events.

   
      Axiom 2. Famous quotes need famous mouths.

   • Corollary 2A: Well-known messengers get credit for clever comments they report from less celebrated mouths.
   • Corollary 2B: Particularly quotable figures receive more than their share of quotable quotes.
   • Corollary 2C: Comments made about someone might as well have been said by that person.
   • Corollary 2D: Who you think said something may depend on where you live.
   • Corollary 2E: Vintage quotes are considered to be in the public domain.
   • Corollary 2F: In a pinch, any orphan quote can be called a Chinese proverb.

    

2. Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
       Klipstein's Law

    

3. Any product cut to length will be too short.
      Klipstein's Observation

    

4. The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
      Korman's Law

    

- L -

1. After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
      de la Lastra's Law

    

2. After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.
      de la Lastra's Corollary

    

3. No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
      Levy's Eighth Law

    

4. Louie's "IF" Rules, created and cultivated by Louis Spanoudis:
      
   1. If it ain't no big deal, don't worry about it.
   2. If you can't do anything about it, don't worry about it.
   3. If it's someone else's problem, don't worry about it.
   4. If it's easily fixed, it don't matter whose fault it was.
   5. If it's done it's done, if it can't be undone--don't worry about it.
   6. If there's no damage, don't make a project out of it.

    

5. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
      Lowery's Law

    

6. There's always one more bug.
      Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology

    

7. If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
      Lyall's Conjecture

    

8. The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
      Lyall's Fundamental Observation

    

- M -

1. If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
      Maier's Law

    

2. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
      Main's Law

    

3. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
      Manley's Maxim

    

4. The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
      McGregor's Revised Maxim

    

5. In a social situation, the most difficult thing to do is usually the right thing to do.
      Meyers Law

    

6. If at first you don't succeed, read the manual
      Montgomery's Maxim

    

7. If anything can go wrong, it will.
      Murphy's Law

    

8. If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.
      Murphy's Original Law

    

9. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
      Murphy's First Corollary

    

10. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
       Murphy's Second Corollary

     

11. Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
       Murphy's Constant

     

12. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
       Murphy's First Military Law

     

13. Friendly fire isn't.
       Murphy's Second Military Law

     

14. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
       Murphy's Third Military Law

     

15. Incoming fire has the right of way.
       Murphy's Fourth Military Law

     

16. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.
       Murphy's Fifth Military Law

     

17. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
       Murphy's Sixth Military Law

     

18. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
       Murphy's Seventh Military Law

     

19. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
       Murphy's Eighth Military Law

     

20. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
       Murphy's Ninth Military Law

     

21. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.
       Murphy's Tenth Military Law

     

- N -

1. If you need four screws for the job, the first three are easy to find.
      The N-1 Law

    

2. Negative expectations yield negative results.
3. Positive expectations yield negative results.
      Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations

    

- O -

1. If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.
      O'Brian's Law

    

2. Variables won't, constants aren't.
      Osborn's Law

    

3. Murphy was an optimist.
      O'Toole's Commentary

    

- P -

1. You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
      Perversity of Nature Law

    

2. If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.
      The Third Law of Photography

    

3. Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere will not hate it.
      Pohl's Law

    

4. Everything costs more and takes longer.
      Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules

    

- Q -

1. Everything goes wrong all at once.
      Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law

    

2. When travelling down the freeway, the first bug to hit a clean windshield will always land directly in front of the driver's face.
      Quigley's Law of Highway Driving

    

3. The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.
      The Queue Principal

    

- R -

1. It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences. If you have none, someone will make one for you.
      The Fourth Law of Revision

    

2. The most delicate component will be dropped.
      Rosenfield's Regret

    

3. When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
      Rule of Accuracy

    

4. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you have tried.
      Rule of Failure

    

5. If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
      Rule of Reason

    

- S -

1. It works better if you plug it in.
       Sattinger's Law

    

2. A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
      Segal's Law

    

3. An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
      Selective Gravity Law

    

4. Celibacy is not hereditary.
      First Law of Socio-Genetics

    

5. Technology don't transfer.
      Stenton's Law

    

- V -

1. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
      Van Roy's Law

    

- W -

1. Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
      Weinberg's First Law

    

2. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
      Weinberg's Second Law

    

3. There are no answers, only cross references.
      Weiner's Law of Libraries

    

4. A few months in the laboratory can save a few hours in the library.
      Westheimer's Law

    

5. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
      Wethern's Law

    

6. Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
      Wiker's Law

    

7. No experiment is reproducible.
      Wyszowski's Law

    

8. Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
       Wyszkowski's Second Law

    

- Z -

1. Nobody notices when things go right.
      Zimmerman's Law of Complaints

    

2. People are always available for work in the past tense.
      Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour

    

3. Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
      Zymurgy's First Law of Systems Dynamics