The News Monster
Brought To You By TheNSAisWATCHIN
5-06-04

Coming Soon - More News Monster, More Often


Bush Is Sorry...

And In Other News...


Picasso Sets Record At Auction

Cokemon - Super and Best

Fahrenheit 9/11 Heats Up

Guy Trying To Kill Self Also
Kills Young Mother

In Other Suicide News:
Girl Drives Off Cliff...But Lives

Riot, Stripping At Girls Prison
Another Headline I Like Every Part Of

Some People Figured Out That If You
Swiped Your Drivers License At A
Gas Pump Instead Of A Credit Card You
Would Get Free Gas - They Didn't Realize
That The Computer Still Had Their
Identity, However - So They Are Busted


Former Wife Of Pro Soccer Player
Caught With Dead Body In Her Car

"Suicidal" Guy In Chat Room Gets
Visit From The Police

Man Attacks 17 People With Cleavers

Microchips Instead of Bar Codes

15 Drinks In One Hour - Dead At 21

Sister of Murdered Woman Labeled
A "Bitch" By Her Own Sister

Idaho Woman Pulls A Janet Jackson

Cannibalism Is Absurd

High School Teacher Said
"Er...That Prostitute Stole My Car"

Jilted Lesbian Wanted Husband
Of Ex-Girlfriend Dead

Army Cadet Posted Nude Photos

UCONN - Orgy of Debauchery

Serial Child Rapist Wore Penis Rings

Sex Slave Smuggler Gets MORE
Jail Time

Prom-Goers To Take Alcohol Screen

Sasser Virus Spreads
Love Al-Jezeera Pic Of Computer User

Making XP Feel More Like OS

Things My Math Teacher Did...


As We Always Suspected,
Britney Spears Is A Hoochie

Click Her For Larger Image

Supreme Justice Souter Attacked

Man Loses Home Over Body Odor

The Oral Sex Defense Worked!

Move Over Spyware, Malware Is Worse

Canadians Say No To Government Pot

Federal Agent Accidentally Shoots
Self During Gun Safety Course

Sesame Street Comes To Afghans

I've Said It Before, I'll Say It Again
Some People On Ebay Are Fucking Nuts


This Guy Has Written A VERY Unpopular
Column Saying That Pat Tillman, Ex-NFL
Player And Soldier Who Died In Iraq
"Got What Was Coming To Him"
He Is Rene Gonzalez
Phone: (413) 253-9639
EMAIL ADDRESSES:
rene@student.umass.edu
renegonzalez7@hotmail.com

UMASS President Criticizes The Column
Our Mirror of The Column In Question
The Lad Takes It All Back

 


My Head Really Hurts, Doc...

Givin' Out AIDS Like It Was Candy

Some Dutch Guys Garden Might
Contain The Skeletons Of The Three Musketeers

Police Surgeon Was
'A Paedophile Dr Jekyll, Dr Hyde'

Woman Convicted For Grave Robbing
Why Did She Do It?  Cult Rituals

Police Follow Robbers Trail Of Blood
Right To Him

Kid Screaming Over Shoes
At His Dad Gets Amber Alert Issued

More Porn Stars With AIDS

69 Year Old Punches, Kills 74 Year Old


All Hail Jay Maynard
His Entry On Live Journal
Mirror Of His Tron Costume Page
That Started It All

Physicists examine weird, subatomic world to create tiny supercomputers

Corpse's Passport Wasn't In Order
So It Spent 16 Days At The Airport

Table Dancing Rules In The UK

Cop Stole Girlfriends Cell Phone Records

Kidnapped, And Sold - To A Gang

WELCOME TO THE EU
Here's Some Nude Pics!

Pastor Accused Of Having Sex With Pupil

Incest Is Best


Female Serial Sex Offender
To Be Housed With Male Inmates

Mother And Son Chop Off Dads Penis

Cop Who Had Phone Sex On The Job
Gets Off...I Mean He's Not In Trouble

Strippers Case Gets Thrown Out
But She's Fined $200 For Being Late To Court

Cop Charged In DUI Homicide

Google Denies FBI Interest in G-Mail
Get Your Gmail Started Here

Rich Guy Makes Waitress Find Him A
Coke After She Tells Him They Only
Have Pepsi

38 Dead In Vietnam Boat Disaster

Girl Disciplined For Wearing Dam T-Shirt

Billy Joels Only Recent Hit - A Car Wreck
Is Making One Guy Money On Ebay

Buying Junk Food With Food Stamps

Ahston To Play Tommy Lee
Tommy Lee To Keep Playing Pamela...?

Fully Dressed Millionaire, Found Dead
In Tub, With 26 Stab Wounds...
Was It Suicide?

John C. Reilly Quits Film
Over A Donkey Being Killed

Yet Another Fireplace Store
Goes Up In Flames

Federal Workers Abuse Credit

Broken Record...
Al Qaeda Threatens More Attacks

Bush/Cheney or Cheney/Bush
Appear Before 9/11 Commission
However They Had Conditions:
No Transcript, Appear Together
Appear in Private, Oh Yeah
And NOT Under Oath - No Kidding

In Other News:
Wolfowitz Confused About Body Count
Some Stations Drop Reading Of The Names
Here Are The Names of The Dead


Korea Train Disaster
Before and After Pics


TV News Copter Crashes
Luckily Another Copter From
Another Station Can Cover That
Terrific Story

For Best Crybaby, The Winner Is...

Falling In Love Makes
Women Like Men,
Men More Like Women

14 Year Old Girl Beaten
Unconscious At Dance By Other Girls

Woman Flees Scene of Hit And Run
Dies In Second Crash

Brad Says He Didn't Do Angelina
World Asks Why Not?!

Man Tried To Electrocute Wife
In The Bathtub

School Bus Brake Lines Cut By Vandals

The Fatal Belly Flop


I Can See Why You'd Wanna Blow
Up The Post Office, Son
But Why A Casino?

Another Porn Star With AIDS
More Dead Porn Stars

Mel Karmazin Defends
Anal Sex Broadcasts

AOL Limits "Free" Radio Listening

Having A BMW Will Get You Laid

SEX TAPE NEWS

Gena Lee Nolin
Ex-Baywatch Babe To Have Porn
Tape Circulating Soon

Images of Gena 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Now All We Need Is A Carmen Tape...
Also In Sex Tape News:
Aussie Rugby Star Goes Digital

Actor Michael Biehn Sued
Terminator CoStar Showed Up Drunk
During Filming, Made Sexual Advances

Former Sex Slave Faces Deportation

Girls Face Foils Robbery Plan

Thieves Steal Wheelchair
Disassemble And Bury It

Kiss On The Cheek Leads To Coma

They Took Pictures Of A 2
Year Old Smoking Pot

Pilot Got Sleepy

The Simpsons Strike - Over

JUST SAY NO To Pot Brownies

Druggist Drugged, Photographed
Naked Women

Thin Out Their Numbers

No More Miracles On Nigerian TV

100,000 Gallons Of Manure Spilled

Guy Sucked Into Woodchipper

Nude Discipline Leads To Arrest

Granny Fell In Tub, Stayed There
For 2 Days

Car Drives INTO Mall

Lay-Offs At Tupperware

Six Year Old Was Holding

Evidence of Ancient Life

Radio Prank Upsets Hockey Team

Nurse Killed Patients To
"Free Up Beds"

Right From The Story:
Here's a driving tip:
Don't demonstrate road rage
in front of a posse of uniformed
sheriff's deputies, especially
if you're out on bail and there
might be an illegal substance
in your car...


Abusing Iraqi Prisoners?

Female General Suspended

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