The News Monster
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5-22-04


Up On The Cross For Haiti

Lawyer Fined For Barking At Witness
In Another Barking Related Story:
Dog Gets His Own Lawyer

Woman Tries To Kill Roomate
With Tissue, Cottonballs

DUI On A Lawnmower
In Other Recent DUI-Related News
Arrested For DUI Twice In 20 Minutes

Giant Snake Triggers Blackout

"Good Witch" Who Offered To Do
Pornography For Mass Murderer
Testifies In Court

Guy In Bear Costume Paws Co-Worker

Don't Piss Of Your Taco Bell Cashier

Disabled Adults Found In
Feces and Maggots, Mother Arrested

Create A Baby Reality Show A Go
In Other Recent Reality TV News
Reality TV Girl Pukes, Loses
Wife Swapping Reality TV
Can Reality TV Get Any Lower?  YES
Witness How Here

Woman Jailed After Selling Baby On Web

Thief Leaves Apology Letter

Man And His Daughter Lived
In A Homemade Shelter In Portland
City Park For Four Years

Schoolboy Is New Lord Of The Rings

This One Man Might Just Have
Saved The Entire Freaking World
-For A Little While, Anyways


Get Your T-Shirts Now

Laura Bush On Leno Summary

President Wont Reveal Who Let
Bin Ladens Leave After Sept. 11

Hastert (Who Never Served in Vietnam)
Lectures McCain (Who Was A POW
For Five Years) On Sacrifice

Woman Throws Boiling Oil In
Boyfriends Face After Bible Verse Fight

This Weeks Alligator Attack Story
Last Weeks Alligator Attack
Story From The Sunshine State

Tony Blair Gets Hit With Blue Stuff
Two Men Charged In The Incident

Meet The Profane Rapping Teacher
In Other Bad Rapping News:
Hasselhoff To Rap

This Months "Fun With A Nailgun" Story

Rough Sex Kills Rhino

Psycho Shower Scene Voted
Best Screen Death
You Can't Beat The Classics!

Kelsey Grammar Finds More TV Work

The Senate Staffer's Sexy Blog

Mother Of Accused Serial Killer
Sues After He Dies In Custody

Bo Derek Speaks Out On Horsemeat

The Vampires In Portland...

Perv Busted After Female
Co-Worker Finds Webcam Under Desk

Reformed Spammer Threatens Relapse

Bill Cosby Tells It Like It Is

It Is Not Against The Law To
Poison Your Boss In Florida


Beetlehouse, Beetlehouse, Beetlehouse
Say It Three Times Fast

Gummy God Refuses To Eat His Words

An Accidental Terabyte Of G-Mail

Antonio Banderas Weeps At Shrek 2

Virtual Devils Curse Internet Church

Woman Awakens To Find Police Sniper
In House Aiming At Guy Across Street

Welcome To The Outback
Port Charlotte Employees Say G'Day

Texas Official Declares Unitarians
Are NOT A Tax Exempt Religion

Students Charged For Taping Teacher

Hollywood "Rips Off", or Rather, Remakes
An Old Film Unnecessarily
This Time The Graduate


France Surrenders Forever...

Guys Asks Another Guy On Flight
If He Wants To "Step Outside" To Fight

Brando To Play...Brando

$3.5 Million Dollar Cello Found
-In Dumpster

Condom Machines In School?

Girls Gone Wild?
Breast Baring Was Popular In The 1600's

Man Wins 1.3 Million With Last 75 Cents

Greenspan's Stay At Fed Extended

Porn Gets Switched With Regular
High School Announcements

How To Save Star Wars III?
Fire George Lucas

A New Suspect In The Anthrax Probe

Hundreds Left Stranded After Fuel
Gauge Failures

"Black Widow" Beats Prostitution Charge

Meet The Black Seperatist Who
Tried To Cash A Fake $25 Millon Check

Tennessee School Has Raffle Over
Where Cows Will...Go

In Other Cow Poo News:
It Powers A Farm

Man Arrested After Motel Six
Room Is Coated In Vaseline

"Sometimes I Am Like A Whore"
Actress Declares

McDonald Execs Are Cursed?
Newest CEO Has Colon Cancer

 

More Iraq Abuse Photos Emerge
Click To View, A Couple Are Graphic...

Other Iraq News:
Suicide Bomber Kills Head Of Governing Council
Chalabi Severs Ties
Bush Says Iraq Is Ready


More Good News From Iraq - Human Sacrifice

To Find The Video Click Here
DJ's Fired Over Mockery
Doonesbury "Head On A Platter"
Teachers Suspended After Showing Video
Four Suspects Detained...
Email Proof Berg Held By US Briefly In Iraq
Berg's Father Defends Anti-War Stance
A More Popular Download Than Paris Hilton
Teacher On Leave After Downloads
Two Of The Four Detained Released

Questioning The Videos Authenticity
Buzz Flash - Angry Finger - Lies Upon Lies
Bloggers on Al-Jazeera


The Photos: Iraq And A Hard Place

Rumsfeld Approved "Secret" Abuse?
Iraqi Papers Urge Rumsfeld To Resign
On The UK Side: Editor Fired Over Fake Pics
Lighter Side: A Lynndie England Fansite
ITS A COVER-UP Says Officer
UK Soldier Arrested Over Fake Photos
Bush Was Told Geneva Convention Obsolete
What Is The Geneva Convention?
Tehran Times - Bush, Rumsfeld Approved
Lynndie England Won't Shut Up About It
England's Lawyer Disciplined In The Past
NBC Staff Says They Were Abused Too
Sivits Pleads Guilty
MSNBC - WAR CRIMES
Porn Princess From Faked Photos Talks
More Deaths Probed

Daniel Pearl Refused To Be Sedated
Who Is Daniel Pearl?
Daniel Pearl Video

Tarantino To Make Bond Film?
In Other Quentin News:
Psychic Told Carradine To Stalk Tarantino

...Beaten Up, Abducted By Monks

California Woman Accepted Ride From
Serial Killer In 1992...

Police Confiscate 1000's of Bootleg
DVDs and CDs At Arts Festival

And In Coaches Gone Bad News:
Nude Cheerleaders Get Their Coaches In Trouble
Coach Charged With Grand Theft
Coach Charged Over Nude Photos

You Can't Sue Fast Food Eateries
For Obesity In Colorado

Police Foil "Great Train Robbery" Type Caper

Off Duty Trooper Charged With Assault

Aol Blocks A Billion Viruses A Year
Amount Of Spam AOL Itself Sends Still Unknown
In Other Email News:
Netscape's Email Shut Down Over Bad Disks

Anal Pap Smears Not Useful For Gay Men

Crackdown On Sale of VCD Which Shows
Actual Rape Of Hong Kong Actress

City Revamps Demolition Policies
After Accidental Death

Colorado Bridge Collapse Baffles Experts

County Supervisor Left Scene of Accident

Handcuffed Teen Escapes In Taxi

Allegedly Abducted Son Wants To See Mom

Drunk Carny Arrested After Accident

Guy Robs Milk Bar In Monkey Mask
With Steak Knife

Recent Minnesota Prostitution Arrests

AND FOR THE REALLY BORED ONLINE:
Subservient Chicken

It's Like I've Been Saying...Lemurs Aren't Dumb

Sniper Will Shoot Dogs Of Those
Who Are Unclean

Two Words You Thought Would Never
Go Together - Spock And Nudes

Man Sentenced In Wife's Suicide


More Photos From Iraq Emerge...

Giving New Meaning To
"Head" Of The Class

Saddam's Lawyer Is No Mark Geragos

Man Killed By Horny Horse

Detroit Man Named Mayor of Najaf, Iraq
Declares Iraq Safer

Bin-Laden's Family MIGHT Be Building
The Worlds Largest Building

The Irony Is Disturbingly Delicious

Buy ALL Your Blank Tapes At The $1 Store!

Woman Who Killed Husband, Left Him
In Bedroom Over A Year Gets 50 Years

Sasser Worm Creator Busted

Two Irish Guys Assault Flight Attendant

Co-Ed Claims Toes Were Licked
Prior To Sexual Assault

"Dominatrix?  There's No Fly In My Soup"

21st Century Slavery Exposed
By Photographer

Napkin Rationing

The Ex-Girlfriend Of The
"Sausage King" Says He Wanted To
Kill And "Grind Up" Meat Inspectors

Former Heavyweight Champ
Riddick Bowe Released From Prison

Indecent Proposal Wife Is "A Liar"

Women Raping Men In Africa?
Previous Article On Female Rape

Guy Banned From Zoo
After Jaguar Bites Off His Finger

Guy Sets Up Website To Catch
"Bitch" Who Hit His Truck

Seen Here Previously, A Similar Story
Angry Man's Website Nabs Fugitive

The Olympic Committee Sex Change Rule
In Other Olympics News:
Jones: "I Have Always Been Drug Free"

Kidnapped Chinese Boy Returns Home

Machete Bar Brawl

Strangest Headline of The Week:
Rat Urine Leads To Swollen Breasts

Turtle Crashes Into Windshield

Internet Groceries Expanding

UC Davis Sends Out Acceptance
Emails To Applicants Who Were
Actually Rejected

Bank Made Bad Loans
To Polygamist Mormon Sect

When Food Bites Back

Bar Loses License Over Rowdy Patrons

Meet The UK's Worst Postman


A Naked Rollercoaster Record

Hunting The Naked Car Thief

Fire Chief's Body Burned,
Mutilated After Death

Jayson Williams To Be Retried

What She's Thinking About
During Sex

Boy Expelled For Throwing
Pie To Hard

Photographer Thinks
He Photographed UFO

Professor Seeks To Ban The
KKK From Campus

Circa WW2, England Almost Used
Pidgeons To Drop Chemical Weapons

Man Ordered To Pay Fines
For Watching Ex-Wifes Porns

Suing The Alcohol Companies
For Under Aged Drinking

Stool Puts Baseballer On DL

Urban Outfitters Under Fire

Cow Brains As Bio-Fuel


Amy Called The Police To Buy Crack

Suicide Bombers In The USA

Teens To Get Banned From Tanning

There Is No Sex In The
Champagne Room

But The Bill Still Went to $28,000!

Black Sabbath To Reunite For Ozzfest

Woman Had 266 Dead Parrots

Thinking About Sex In Traffic...

Town Cashes In On It's Horrific Past

Scientist Discovers New Dinosaur

South Carolina Doesn't Like Tattoos

A Study With Improbable Results:
Violent Images CURB Kids' Aggression?

Be Nice At The Airport

"I'm Not Drunk, But My
Donkey's In Charge"

Ice Cream With Racist Ad

Florida Greyhounds On Cocaine?

As Bob Barker Says:
Spay and Neuter Your Pets
BUT HE DIDN'T MEAN TO
DO IT YOURSELF!!!!!

Fan Poked With "Object"
At Coors Field Dies

Keith Richards Reggae Album

40 Years And Not A Single Sick Day

Bombs At McDonalds

Florida Man Kills Five Dogs
To Try To Win Attention From
Estranged Wife


Penguins In July!? HAHA YES!
Take The Wayne Newton Virtual Tour

Monkey College

Man Files Complaint Against Elephant

Woman Tries To Get Unwanted House
Guests To Leave By Gassing Them

Families Heckle Giulianai At Hearing

Air Force Radios Jam
Garage Door Openers In Florida

California Bill Requires Spyware Notice

Dead Nudist Gets Mayoral Votes

Dog Fighting In Chicago

Hooters Girls To Cheer Up Troops

Man Dies Right On Target

The Incredible Shrinking Utah Brain


Porn Again Christian
Nine Songs At Cannes - Is It Porn?

Read More About This Movie

Rapper Makes How-To Vid For Groupies

Giant Rats To Sniff Out Mines

High School Doors Superglued Shut

Man Turned Young Wife's
Love Into "Gimp"

Twins Charged With Abusing Kids


Major League Baseball Crops Jose
Lima's Wife And Her Boobs Out Of Pic

See Altered Photo On Their Site

High School Student Drinks
Lab Chemical On Dare - Recovering...

Married In The Mall

How A Mobile Home Becomes
A Giant Beehive

Guy Trying To Siphon Gas From
A Camper Hits The Sewage
Line Instead

Saying NO To "The Donald" Trump
Probably Feels Really Good

Guy Eats $275 Worth Of Shrimp
In Grocery Store

$150,000 Worth of Creed Guitars Stolen

Porsche Drivers Cheat More

Georgia's Segregated Proms

Carjackers Abduct 82 Y/O Woman

The Black Market of Cigarettes Is Back

Brawl Involving 100's Of
Inmates In Arizona

And In The Britney Spears Corner:
Other "Stars" Get Critical
St. James: Britney Turns Teens To Sex
Morissey: She's The Devil

Cannibal Returns To Community

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