The News Monster
Brought To You By TheNSAisWATCHIN
5-01-04


This Guy Has Written A VERY Unpopular
Column Saying That Pat Tillman, Ex-NFL
Player And Soldier Who Died In Iraq
"Got What Was Coming To Him"
He Is Rene Gonzalez
Phone: (413) 253-9639
EMAIL ADDRESSES:
rene@student.umass.edu
renegonzalez7@hotmail.com

UMASS President Criticizes The Column
Our Mirror of The Column In Question

The SUPER NEIGHBORHOOD
Bigger Is Not Better In Omaha

First Spammer Arrests

Naked Bus Hijack

Deli Owner Saves Customers Life

Carlos The Jackal Has Killed
1500 People and Stripped In Court

They Had To Move Because Of
The Ice Cream Truck

Poor Salt Lake City Strippers...
The Old Salt Lake City Strip Club Guide


Win This Baby on ABC!

Expensive Parking in Boston

SEX - The Final Frontier


Two Women In Car In Sinkhole

Giving China The Space "Cold Shoulder"

Teens Charged With Making
Sausage Bomb

German Woman In Court
For Laughing

3.5 Million Dollar Instrument Stolen

If They Throw Away Your Dentures
At McDonalds, Hit Em With Your
Hockey Stick

Kid Sues To "Divorce" Dad
Who Killed His Mother


Lollipops That Look Like Mini
Liquor Bottles Withdrawn From Market

Police Arrest Naked Man After Chase

Diary of Einstein's Girlfriend Found

The Passion of Christ A Hit With Arabs

Death By Mineral Water..
And More Explorations
About How We Die

Homeless Shelter Has Bad Roof
Might Leave Homeless, More Homeless!?

Homage To Christopher Walken

SEX TAPE NEWS

Gena Lee Nolin
Ex-Baywatch Babe To Have Porn
Tape Circulating Soon

Images of Gena 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Now All We Need Is A Carmen Tape...
Also In Sex Tape News:
Aussie Rugby Star Goes Digital

Portland Police Pepper Sprayed
And Stun-Gunned 71 Y/O Woman

Has Bush Spent More On Nukes
Than Reagan?

Mom DELIBERATELY Ran Down Son
While Taping Jackass-Type Stunt

In Other Jackass Type News:
Fatal Stunt Caught On Tape

House Moms Give Comfort To Strippers

Drunk Guy Gets Run Over By Train
And Sleeps Through The Whole Thing,
Unharmed

Dog Tears Apart Stool, Finds Cash

Man Boobs?  Get A Reduction

NYPD Sex Spies


British Actress Leslie Ash Breaks Rib
Having Rough Sex With Hubby

Google Stock, Coming Soon

Eye D Cards, Not ID

Dead Diana Photos News

School Bans Color T-Shirts

7th Heaven Actor Busted

The NSA Is Watchin
The FBI Wants To Watch You Type

Thursday's New York Times Misidentified
GOP Senate Candidate Pete Coors
As Ku Klux Klan Member Who
Murdered A Black Sharecropper

Judge Sentences Man To
Jump Out Of A Plane

DJs Who Played Tremendously Good
Prank On Fidel Castro In Trouble

4 Year Old Killed By Lawnmower


Another Great Headline:
"Satanic Musician Drank My Blood"


Lee Ann Rimes Admits, Like Most People
She Likes The Sight of Naked Women

Federal Workers Abuse Credit

Broken Record...
Al Qaeda Threatens More Attacks

Bush/Cheney or Cheney/Bush
Appear Before 9/11 Commission
However They Had Conditions:
No Transcript, Appear Together
Appear in Private, Oh Yeah
And NOT Under Oath - No Kidding

In Other News:
Wolfowitz Confused About Body Count
Some Stations Drop Reading Of The Names
Here Are The Names of The Dead

Donald Trump, Like Nicolas Cage
Tries Marraige A Third Time
And Shes A No Talent Model...Again!


She Robbed A Bank And Took
That Money To Another Bank To Open
An Account...But Oh Yeah - The Die Pack

David Carradine And The Kangaroos

Four Treasury Agents Are Tracking
Bin Laden And Hussein Money
But 21 Are On Castro

12 Year Old Boy Strangles, Kills 8 Year Old

Horrible Child Abuse In Amish Country

Kim Basinger Will Be Nude On Film At 50


Korea Train Disaster
Before and After Pics

A Gay President In Our Lifetime!

Neanderthals Grew Up Faster Than Us

Drivers Ed Teacher Teaches While Drunk

Two Radio Hosts Who Fooled Castro
And Got $4,000 Fine Are Asking For
400,000 Pennies With Which To Pay It

Oh Deer!

NEWSFLASH!
Ted Koppel Can Read!

The Jury Is In:
Kevin Spacey's Whole Family Is Nuts

Twins Break Arms On Same Night

Elton John Says American Idol Voting
Is Racist
Luckily, At Least It's Not Homophobic

Nicolas Cage To Complete The Trifecta
Of Bad Marriages By Marrying
Teenaged Waitress

I Wasn't Flashing, My Penis
Was Caught In My Zipper!

Scream-Like Murder Trial

Driving Around With Your Dead Mom,
Maybe Go To Wal-Mart

Big Tits Get Stuck In Revolving Door


Trying To Escape From The
Police Booking Room Proves Difficult

Sesame Street Actress To
Get Naked On The Sopranos

The Talking Credit Card

EMac and IPod - 25 Bucks!

Rescuing Girls From Naked Man

Not To Be Outdone By His American
Counterpart, Head of Japanese Mcdonalds Dies

Suprisingly, A Penis Shaped Mascot
Causes Some Controversy


Practicing In Utah For A Mars Walk

Men Who Use Viagra May Have
Less Potence Fertility-Wise

Wait - Guys Can Have MORE Sex
But Less Change of Pregnancy?
This Is A Bad Thing, Why?

Chinese Envoys Run Past Los Alamos Guards

Billy Joel Can Play Piano
But Can't Drive For Shit
-Another Car Wreck


Mormons Imitate Catholics
Ex-Mormon Bishop Charged With Abuse

The Cop Shouldn't Have Shot The Dog

The Worlds First Kentucky Fried Chicken
Is No More, And The Recipe Is Still Secret


Apprentice's Omarosa Walks Off
Jimmy Kimmel Show After
Seeing Lie Detector

Suge Knight Out Of Prison

Sherlock Holmes Type Investigator Needed
For This Case

Naked Man Chases Woman
Over Her Parking

Biggest Tourist Attraction In Boulder, CO:
The Mork and Mindy House

Senate Revives Internet Tax Ban

Car Crashes Into Auto Parts Store

Taiwan Wants Jackie Chan Banned

Woody Woodpecker Is Dead


Two Scottish Freaks Who Decapitated
A Corpses Head, And Played With It
Escape Jail

Charged In Urine Assault

Actual Headline:
Some Flee, Others Eat Cats
In Prison Riot

Peeping Tom Gets Trapped in Drain
Above Womens Toilets

Father Charged With Taking
Nude Photos of His Daughter

Meet The "Mother Teresa" of Porn

It Was The Rooster's Cocaine!

Guy Gives Cop Someone Else's ID
Unfortunately, That Guy Turns Out
To Be A Murder Suspect


Abusing Iraqi Prisoners?

Female General Suspended

Valerie Plame's Husband Wilson Has
His Book Out...

Who Is Valerie Plame?

Rap Label Murder INC
In Trouble For What Else...Murder

I Always Cry At Chicken Funerals

The New York Post Exposes
Spelling and Grammatical Errors

22 Percent of Men Admit To
Viewing Porn At Work

The Other 78 Percent Lied...

Banning Fights Between
Dogs And Hogs

Nuttiest Flasher Ever

Japanese Man, Apparently Shot
SELF While In Police Custody

A Likely Story

Forced To Marry Her Own Rapist
But Stoned To Death Anyways

1 Out Of 4 People Have Used
Sex Toys

Bible Student Jailed For Drug Dealing

Porn Stars Need A Union


The Army Asks Ski Resorts
To Return Their Guns

Coming Soon to St. Petersburg
Russia - The Erotica Museum

Pot In Your Softball Glove

Disney Denies Employees
Bathroom Breaks?

No Wonder Britney Grew Up Weird

SHOW ME YOUR ASS TATTOO!

Fresh Hope For Fat Bunnies
Does NOT Pertain To Anna Nicole

Trash Eating Stinkbags

School Janitor Took Upskirt Photos
Police Trying To ID Victims
FROM Said Photos

Corpses Exhumed For Soup

4,000 Pairs of Panties Later

Death By Catapult

We're Even Outsourcing Porn

Selling The Daughter To
Pay Off Gambling Debts

Two Guys Start Porn Website
For Environmental Cause

Use of Narcotic Lollies on Rise


Going To Church In A Bar

Naked Man Wants To Vote

Kevin Spacey's Brother
Puts In His Two Cents, Hoping
To Buy Fifteen Minutes

Marijuana Cafe Goes, Literally
Up In Smoke


Huge Pro-Choice Protest in DC

Is Al-Jazeera The Enemy?

Secret Service Look
At Boy Who Drew Bush As Devil

From The Film Fight Club:
"Even The Mona Lisa's Fallin' Apart"

Dog-Rape Claim Was A Lie

Burning Nude Body Found
In Trash Bin

Hurt In The Line of Doody

David Bowie Encourages Bootlegs

Self Injury Among Teens
On The Rise

And Again For Those Who Don't
Know - Churches Don't Like Porn

Hunting For Atlantis

Tuberculosis Patient Jailed

Zany Cashier Human Interest
Story From Illinois


Beyonce Booty Wax

The Naked Guy In The Manhole

Gina Gershon Wants To
Run Playboy

Tina Fey's Funniest Moments

Da Vinci Also Invented The Car?

Robber Stops For A Beer...

Dog Likes To Eat Golfballs

British Anti-War Figure
Was On Saddam's Payroll

Teen Who Stole Porn Sentenced
To Wear A Blindfold

Juliette Lewis - Punkrocker?

Tawainese Cannibal Suspect
Declared Sane

Lowriding In Louisiana

Doonesbury Is Controversial
...Again

Atkins Couple Booted From
Salt Lake City Chuck-A-Rama Buffet

Ohio Priest Charged In
1980 Killing Of Nun

Murdered Bondage Porn Star
Case Has Snuff Film Angle

What Is A Snuff Film?
Case Backround

In California, You Can
Have Sex With The Dead

Please, No Melanie Griffith Jokes

Dutch Artist Makes Gun
...From Her Own Skin

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