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4-14-04


Rebecca Is Just Romijn Again

The Catastrophe Calculator:
Predicting The Damage

It's Official:
North Korea Has Nukes?

FBI Wants To Make Online
Wiretapping Easier

Titty Photos At Cathedral
Has Some Brits Not Impressed

And You Thought YOUR Parents
Were Assholes

When Ordering Pizza:
Make Sure To Give A Fake Name

Berkeley Sex Slave Case Settled


1, 2, 3, 4 - I Declare A Sperm War

Oh Shaq!
Always With The Potty Mouth

Air Marshall Leaves Gun In Potty

There Is A New Most Expensive House


Bush Daughters Comfort Troops

Weird Al's Parents Found Dead

The Power Of A Kiss


Newest Trend: Eyeball Jewlery

Tightrope, No Net - And He Fell

2.5 Million On A Slot Machine


Face Licker Take Down

From The Ironic Files:
Anti-Alcohol Campaigning Teen
Dies In Binge Drinking Incident

Jenifer Lopez's Mom Wins
2.5 Million On A Slot Machine

Girls Gone Wild Wants To Open
Restaurants, Ala Hooters...

Killer Gets Chased, Caught
His Leg Gets Cut Off By Civilians

Guy Gets 30 Years For Sending
Bush, Miss Manners, Others
Threatening Letters


Everybody Must Get Stoned...

LIVE, Or Rather, Dead
Abortion on British TV

Watergate Scandal Guy
John Dean Calls Bush "Corrupt"


Woman Is Shot By Police
After She Accused Him of Brutality

Missing Bach Score Found

Cops Raid Wrong Apartment
Red Faced Cops Send Fruit Basket


Ikea Founder Is Now Richer Than Bill


Wal-Mart Over-Charging?
Running Credit Cards 2 or More Times

Also At Wal-Mart:
Guy Slashes Co-Worker With Boxcutter

Indian Guy In Prison Refuses Haircuts

Homemade Space Needles
And Alcohol Do Not Mix

What Have I Been Telling You People!?

Alcohol Bootleggers In India
Gangrape 15 Year Old To
"Avenge Anti-Liquor Drive"


Great Headline:
Murder Orgy At Bachelor Party
I Mean I Like Everything About That!

Anti-Abortion Activist Convicted
Of Child Molestation

Ellen DeGeneres To Wed
Rosie O'Donnell For Best Man Then?

Two Female Bondage Killers
Get 20 Years


Fake Doctor Has Good Bedside Manner


More Iraqi Gratitude - Fallujah Images
Civilian Contractors Attacked In Iraq

TV Doesn't Show The Images...
Looking Back - Iraqi Gratitude Before
One Victim Was A Reality TV Star
Bush Administration Is Strangely Silent


Sexy Statues Again In The News

Vince Neil Pleads No Contest
To Roughing Up Prostitute

British Scientist Killed
While Making Marmalade

SEC Looking At Aol In Ad Sales Probe

Mom Doesn't Seatbelt Kid In
Mom Gets In Wreck
Mom Charged With Murder

Girls For More Positive
Lyrics In Hip Hop

Awwwwwwwwwww

Future Serial Killer I Assume...


How To Make A Mexican Omelet


Crucifying The Easter Bunny

Labels Want An End To 99 Cent Downloads

Spyware Is Evil

Paris Hiltons Ex Drops Suit
Thus Ending That Part of The Fake Hype
That Launched Her Awful TV Show
Last Season

Stalking Avril


Worlds Largest Easter Egg

Janet Jackson Spoofs Her Boob
Flash on SNL

Betting It All On One Roll
Of A Roulette Wheel

Overbidding On Ebay


Mobile Meth Lab Rules
1: Pay All Tolls

Guy Shoots Intruder
Intruder Turns Out To Be His Son
"Where's My Lawyer?"

Lost Kipling Story Found

No More Porn In Car DVD Players


Bob Dylan To Sell Lingerie?

Doctors Who Play Video Games
Make Fewer Mistakes

Making The Same Mistake Twice:
Pamela Anderson To Wed Tommy Again?

Another Garden Gnome Kidnapped
This One Being Held For Ransom
Not Taken On A Trip...

Here Comes The Porn Crackdown

Saddam Has Left The Building

Wal-Mart City A No-Go

Child Who Died In Fire
Was Worth Over 1 Million Bucks



Swamp Land For Sale
I Also Have A Bridge
In New York You Might Be Interested In

What Did Condi Know?
And When Did She Know It?

Fallujah, Iraq:
One Victim Was A Reality TV Star


Oprah Is Nastier Than Howard Stern?
Oh, And April Fools
Howard Is Off The Air

Michael Jackson Should Have A Yard Sale

Monkey Goes Wild In Woman's Apartment

Guy Wins 23 Million In Lottery
In No Hurry To Pick It Up, Though



British Glamour Model Jordan
Is Having Trouble Making Ends Meet

And On The Heels of A Tirade

Bending HER Over Beckham?
Denial
Boob Slip of Rebecca Loos

Japenese Teens Love Karaoke
Over 18,000 Caught Skipping School
To Go To Karaoke Bars Last Year


No Cussing In NASCAR, If You Please

Women Pay Power Bill In Pennies
To Protest Rate Hike


Good Samaritan Teen Shot In Back

For The Record:
Jennifer Tilly Is NOT Meg's Body Double

Close Encounters Might Be
Closer Than We Think?

Socialite Involved In Lurid 1978 Murder
Finally Dies Herself

Female Mormon Expert Declares:
Mormon Women Are Less Depressed
Additionally - They Are Also
The Only Ones Going To Heaven

Only Jackasses Go To Jackass Shows


Kidnapping - Iraq's Newest Craze!

Forget The Alamo

Frat Boy In Trouble
For Drawing Swastikas and Penises
On Passed Out Drunk Girl

More Girls Who Strip In Dorms For Pay
Then Acting Surprised When The
School Disapproves

Unluckiest Parents In The World

Nine Year Old Girl
Steals A Bunny

Forced To Swallow The TV!?
Nah - But Funny

FBI To Go After Email Fraudsters
After The Corrupt Corporations
And Pornography
Oh Yeah and Terrorism

People On Cell Phones Ruin The Parks

Here Come The Asteroids

Rocker Threatens Journalist

Real Celebrity Jeapordy May
Be Funnier Than The SNL Parody

Fighting A Virginia Law Which
Prohibits "Goin South"
-Even On A Girl

Pope Comes Out Against
"Logic of Death" In Iraq

Fox News To Declare The Pope
"Unamerican
"

Settling For Microsoft


Redneck Initiation

Flight Attendants Accuse
Wrestlers of Sexual Harassment

Another Great Get Rich
Quick Scheme

Taxi Driver Stabs Guy
With A Screwdriver

The Car of Tomorrow, Today


And The Winner For Worst Mug Shot Is...
Hurh-Ching Lowry

Piranha Let Loose in Petting Pool

Alabama Decides On A State Whiskey

US Soldiers Poisoned By US Bombs?

Nude Chef Roasts His Wienie

Guy Who Fake Hung Himself
For April Fools Facing Charges

History and Movies Getting Confused

Angry Druids Hunt Down Vandals

Americans Are Getting Shorter

Teenaged Lesbians Smoke The Most


Sammy Hagar Is Back In Van Halen

Just In Time For Retirement

5 Packistani Police Shot and Killed
After Being Forced To Recite
From The Koran

Minister Charged With Sex With Minor

Marine Who "Groomed"
And Then Had Sex With 12 Y/O
British Girl Gets 4.5 Years

Plagirism is "Self Teaching"

Prisoner Allowed Out Of Jail
For A Boxing Match, Then Right Back

Cause Spam Just Isn't Enough

Guy Bits Off Other Guys Nose
Because He Doesn't Like His T-Shirt


If You Can't Get A Retarded Girl
To Have Sex With You:

Punch Her In The Face

It's 8 PM
Do You Know Where Your
Daughters Nipples Are?



This Crazy Looking Lady
Found A Baby Behind A Store


Busch Gardens Now Uses
"Hand Geometry Scanning"
To Admit Season Pass Holders

Though They Thought Of
Using Other Body Parts I'm Sure...


If The Kids Won't Behave
Cuff Em

Headline of the Year:
Hell's Angels Fight Teens
For Their Stolen Skull

Headline of the Year Runner-Up:
Brawl Breaks Out At
Anger Management Seminar

White House CIA Link Probe Broadened
Look Back - Valerie Plame

Mom Strips At Sons Party

British Declare The Obvious:
Naked Yoko Ono Is Disgusting


Guy Who Plays Tigger At Walt Disney World Accused of Fondling

THE NSA IS WATCHIN:
NSA "Listening" Led To Arrests

April Fools Jokes Abound
In Washington, DC

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